BUT ON A GOOD NOTE
I received a scholarship I wasn’t even aware I was getting for $1000 so hopefully I can get my own car soon! ^-^
BUT ON A GOOD NOTE
I feel so shitty man… I’ve lost so many friends because I ignored them so much over the past year. And it’s not even like I don’t want to hang out with them it’s just I’m so uncomfortable with my self I’m on the verge of crying like 24/7 and I don’t want to be that crazy fucking weird friend that breaks down for no apparent reason. Like I’ve already had about 3 or 4 incidents in the past year where I have actually done that at work and in college and its so embarrassing to have people see you like that.
Like jfc my drawing class last spring got to see me come to class late dabbed out of my mind directly after having my first and pretty much only real panic attack and after throwing up in the bathroom and being pulled out of class by my instructor I had to leave like that was not a good day and not to mention I failed that fucking class ugh.
I’m the girl that guys strike up a conversation with at 2 am that turns into a deep talk that’s so much more meaningful than just your average everyday verbal exchange.
I’m an outlet for when they feel that intense loneliness we all get when thinking about the empty connections shared with the people around us.
They crave a deeper connection with somebody and I’m there to offer it to them. They fall in love with my wisdom, my understanding, my difference. But only for the hour(s).
Then the next day they go back to their standard lives as if they didn’t pour out their souls to me. Probably afraid to feel that emotionally and mentally raw again.
And I’m just left with this fucking hypothetical vault filled with their inner ambitions and self-reflections. Having to pretend I don’t know them from the inside out.
you guys don’t even understand though like last spring my humanities teacher gave me till the last day to turn in the very 1st essay of like 4 that we wrote and I still didn’t do it because I am such a fucking punk
I ended up getting a C because of the 0 I got for that essay and I could’ve gotten a B even if I got a 50% on it like round of applause 4 me
*turns in essay 60 years later on teachers death bed*
yoooo sorry my computer crashed, can I still get credit tho?
why sleep when you can stay up late every night being sad then feel like shit the next day